Looking back and thinking ahead.
These past two years have flown by. I really can't believe that just over one year ago, you couldn't even walk on your own. It's amazing how many things change in such a short period of time. It's unfair, really. It's too easy to take that time for granted.
We've been going through some difficult times, but it seems silly to say that. These times are only difficult when compared to the past two years. When you were born, we had a very difficult first week. You were a wonderful baby. You slept through the night and you ate well. You smiled, laughed, and rarely gave us trouble. Now you are two years old, and it seems like all you do is run, scream, whine, kick, laugh, sneak around, play, and show off.
It's hard, but it's worth every minute. 90% of the time you want nothing to do with me, and I try to wait patiently for the 10% when you want me around. When you run away from me or scream "no" when I hug you, it hurts a lot. It makes me think I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I'm not around enough, or maybe I yell too much. Maybe you'll get over it, and maybe it will only become worse.
It's really hard.
But I know you love me, and I love you too. And I can't help but think that your temper tantrums will seem like nothing as you grow older. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I'll be a young mother of a two-year-old boy forever. I have to remind myself that in a few more short years, I will be worried about you going to school and getting along with the other kids. I'll have to wonder if you're behaving well and not bullying other kids - or being bullied yourself. One day, I'll be hoping that I've raised you well and that you'll wear a helmet on your bike; or that you'll wear a seatbelt when you drive; and that you'll never drive when you are drinking. When those concerns cross my mind, I'll be wishing you were two again. I'll miss the days when all I had to worry about was you throwing a fit in public.
It's only going to become harder. I'm only going to love you more over time, which is both wonderful and frightening. But I stay optimistic. Our family is strong, and as a mother, I don't have a choice but to do everything in my power to make sure that we all live long, healthy and happy lives together. All I can do is my best, and I promise I'll always try as hard as I can to keep you safe and make you happy.
