Date night with Play-Doh.
It's just you and me tonight, pal. And Play-Doh is on the itinerary. So far, we've gotten quite artistic.
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Sep 2
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Aug 23
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Bears say "boing."
We had a great long weekend together this week, including boat trips on Prior Lake and a visit to the zoo. You behaved very well during all the events. You were even brave enough to swim around in your life jacket on the lake, and have a close-up with the bears at the zoo.
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Aug 19
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Interview with Tommy.
Tonight, we discussed tomorrow's trip to the zoo. You're excited to see crocodiles, dragons, and some animal with the word "poopy" in its name. Boys will be boys.
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Jul 20
Looking back and thinking ahead.
These past two years have flown by. I really can't believe that just over one year ago, you couldn't even walk on your own. It's amazing how many things change in such a short period of time. It's unfair, really. It's too easy to take that time for granted.We've been going through some difficult times, but it seems silly to say that. These times are only difficult when compared to the past two years. When you were born, we had a very difficult first week. You were a wonderful baby. You slept through the night and you ate well. You smiled, laughed, and rarely gave us trouble. Now you are two years old, and it seems like all you do is run, scream, whine, kick, laugh, sneak around, play, and show off.
It's hard, but it's worth every minute. 90% of the time you want nothing to do with me, and I try to wait patiently for the 10% when you want me around. When you run away from me or scream "no" when I hug you, it hurts a lot. It makes me think I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I'm not around enough, or maybe I yell too much. Maybe you'll get over it, and maybe it will only become worse.
It's really hard.
But I know you love me, and I love you too. And I can't help but think that your temper tantrums will seem like nothing as you grow older. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I'll be a young mother of a two-year-old boy forever. I have to remind myself that in a few more short years, I will be worried about you going to school and getting along with the other kids. I'll have to wonder if you're behaving well and not bullying other kids - or being bullied yourself. One day, I'll be hoping that I've raised you well and that you'll wear a helmet on your bike; or that you'll wear a seatbelt when you drive; and that you'll never drive when you are drinking. When those concerns cross my mind, I'll be wishing you were two again. I'll miss the days when all I had to worry about was you throwing a fit in public.
It's only going to become harder. I'm only going to love you more over time, which is both wonderful and frightening. But I stay optimistic. Our family is strong, and as a mother, I don't have a choice but to do everything in my power to make sure that we all live long, healthy and happy lives together. All I can do is my best, and I promise I'll always try as hard as I can to keep you safe and make you happy.
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Jul 18
Funny stuff.
Today we're in the car on our way to the Haberman garden. Your Dad and I are taking turns making you laugh. After one big giggle attack, you exclaimed: "That's funny, guys. Let's do it again!" Last night, we were at your Grandma Judy's house. Curious as you are, you decided to hit the "play" button on their voicemail. The only message on there was one that you left for her earlier that day. Upon hearing your own voice, you yelled, "Tommy? WHERE ARE YOU, TOMMY?!" All of it sure is funny, buddy.
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Jun 21
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Crocodiles and cars.
Your recent obsessions include crocodiles and "Cars" (the movie). So today, we made a trip to the Disney Store. You are now the proud owner of many "Cars" items, including flip-flops, and Louie- the crocodile from "The Princess and the Frog."
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Jun 11
When it comes to guarding you.
Today at day care, a strange man came and took pictures of you while you were playing at the park with your friends. He refused to delete the pictures, so your day caregiver called the police to. She did exactly the right thing and kept you safe.
This still really affected me. I couldn't stop thinking about some guy having your picture. I checked to see if there were any "really bad guys" in the area, and one just moved in close to the area today. An unbelievable coincidence, because it wasn't him. But for awhile, I was convinced that it couldn't be a coincidence and I was very afraid.
You and I played together all night. I held you and we giggled together. I felt like crying a few times even, just feeling grateful that I had you with me and you were all right. I remember feeling that way a lot after you were born. I'd hold and rock you, and just start crying. We thought we might lose you when you were having seizures, and I was simply grateful to have you with me.
We've been asked many times when we are going to have another child, and I usually say "never." And I mean it. I might change my mind, but I don't think so. I love being a mother. I love being YOUR mother. But it's very difficult. When I think I might lose you, or I think you're in danger, it's beyond difficult for me. To say "I lose my cool" is an understatement. My emotions are out of control during times like that, and it makes me feel sick. To be honest, I don't think I'm strong enough to take that times two.
You are a joy and a blessing. I'm always going to do everything I can to keep you safe, even if it means overreacting. I'll never be able to live with it if somebody hurts you and I could have done something to prevent it. You'll notice I worry a lot. Maybe I'm crazy, and I know I may need to lighten up at times. It's only because I love you and you are my responsibility, and I refuse to let you down when it comes to making sure you're safe.
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Jun 8
Bedtime... maybe.
Our bedtime ritual includes a few kisses goodnight topped off with a reading of "Snow White" by your father. You used to go to sleep so well, but since we've converted to your toddler bed, you've had trouble adjusting. Tonight was different. Your Dad was gone, and our routine was thrown off.
First of all, when I told you it was time for bed, you didn't crawl into your bed. You crawled into "mommy's bed." We giggled for a minute, and then went to "Tommy's bed." We read a story and I kissed you goodnight. After shutting the door, I thought to myself, "That was pleasant. Maybe he's used to his new bed." Before I could even finish the thought, I heard the whistle blow of a train set coming from your bedroom."Back to bed," I told you, as I walked into your room and noticed your devilish grin. You hopped back in to bed, and I went in to the bathroom. And again, before I could even grab my toothbrush, I heard the creak of your bedroom door and the soft shuffle of little feet. I opened the bathroom door and there you stood. You giggled.
I scooped you up in my arms, and you wrapped your arms around my neck. I asked, "Do you want to lay in Mommy's bed for awhile?" You whispered back, "Yeah." Then I asked, "will you go to sleep then?" You whispered back, "No."
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